Back to the First Lady
by Eternal Density
Summary: Random dialogue between Doc and Marty about the future state of the union, so to speak.


Back to the First Lady

(Who's on in the future)

Disclaimer: I don't own Back to the Future or the United States of America.

Any inaccuracies are due to the fact that the political and judicial system are different in the future. So there.

Marty McFly: Hey Doc, you've seen the future, right?  
Doctor Brown: Yes, I have.  
Marty: Did you find out anything about the people in government?  
Doc: Yes I did.  
Marty: I was wondering about the people who run the country in the future. Could you tell me their names?  
Doc: I most certainly can. Politicians in the future seem to have odd names, very odd names, so they wouldn't mean much now.  
Marty: Great. So spill it.  
Doc: Well, Who's president, What's vice president, and I Don't Know is treasurer...  
Marty: You've been to the future?  
Doc: Yes.  
Marty: You know who runs the country?  
Doc: Yes.  
Marty: Then tell me.  
Doc: I say Who's President, What's Vice President, and I Don't Know is Treasurer...  
Marty: You know the future?  
Doc: Yes  
Marty: You know these guys' names?  
Doc: Yes.  
Marty: Then why aren't you telling me, Doc?  
Doc: I am telling you!  
Marty: What are you telling me?  
Doc: Their names!  
Marty: Then tell me the name of the future president.  
Doc: Who  
Marty: The president  
Doc: Who  
Marty: The future US president  
Doc: Who.  
Marty: The guy who runs this country in the future!  
Doc: Who.  
Marty: The president! Who's the president!  
Doc: Yes.  
Marty: What are you agreeing with?  
Doc: Who's the president.  
Marty: What are you asking me for?  
Doc: I'm not asking you anything.  
Marty: You aren't telling me anything either.  
Doc: Yes, I am.  
Marty: What are you telling me?  
Doc: Who is the president of the USA in 2015.  
Marty: What are you asking me for?  
Doc: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.  
Marty: Then what's the name of the president?  
Doc: No, What's the name of the vice president!  
Marty: Huh? You haven't told me that yet. Who's vice president?  
Doc: No, Who's president. Don't mix them up.  
Marty: Don't mix who up?  
Doc: Who and What  
Marty: I don't know  
Doc: Don't bring the treasurer into it.  
Marty: I didn't, but I want to know his name.  
Doc: You just said it.  
Marty: Can you repeat what I said?  
Doc: I Don't Know.  
Marty: Then how do you know I said it?  
Doc: I heard you.  
Marty: Then tell me the treasurer's name!  
Doc: I Don't Know  
Marty: I thought you knew these guys' names.  
Doc: I do.  
Marty: Okay, suppose there's a law proposed which the president doesn't like. Then who vetoes it?  
Doc: Yep  
Marty: Who does?  
Doc: Certainly!  
Marty: Who!  
Doc: Of course, the man has the right and responsibility to veto.  
Marty: What?  
Doc: No, we're not talking about the vice president.  
Marty: Who's the vice president?  
Doc: Who's the president.  
Marty: I don't know.  
Doc: That's the treasurer.  
Marty: Fine, be that way. But since you brought it up...Who's the guy in charge of federal funds?  
Doc: No, the treasurer.  
Marty: That's what I'm saying! What's the name of the guy who gets the money?"  
Doc: No, not the vice president: the treasurer!  
Marty: Yessss! Tell me the name of the treasurer.  
Doc: I Don't Know.  
Marty: I thought you knew who gets the money.  
Doc: No, the treasurer gets the money.  
Marty: Do you know the treasurer's name?  
Doc: Certainly.  
Marty: And it is...?  
Doc: I Don't Know.  
Marty: Why not?  
Doc: What do you mean 'Why not?"? I just said he does get the money.  
Marty: Who gets the money?  
Doc: Who doesn't get the money.  
Marty: I don't know!  
Doc: Correct!  
Marty: Huh? Enough of that. How about the Supreme Court? Do you know who's on the Supreme Court?  
Doc: No, he's president. But I can tell you about the Supreme court.  
Marty: Tell me the name of the newest guy on the Supreme Court.  
Doc: Tomorrow.  
Marty: Why not now?  
Doc: That's thirty years from now.  
Marty: What's the newest Supreme Court justice's name?  
Doc: No, Tomorrow.  
Marty: What time?  
Doc: Pardon?  
Marty: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me the guy's name?  
Doc: I'm telling you now.  
Marty: Okay, what about the oldest man on the Supreme Court?  
Doc: Today.  
Marty: Today?  
Doc: Today.  
Marty: You don't want to tell me, today.  
Doc: No, his name.  
Marty: Today's the oldest and Tomorrow's the newest?  
Doc: Now you've got it.  
Marty: Now I've got it, huh? All we've got is a couple of days on the Supreme Court!  
Doc: I can't help that, Marty.  
Marty: Man, this is heavy.  
Doc: No, the New York City Police Chief is Heavy.  
Marty: The chief's heavy?  
Doc: That's him.  
Marty: Really heavy?  
Doc: Really.  
Marty: What's the chief's name?  
Doc: No, what's the vice president's name.  
Marty: Who's vice president?  
Doc: Who is the president in 2015!  
Marty: I don't know.  
Both: Treasurer!  
Marty: How about the senate? Know anyone on the senate?  
Doc: Me.  
Marty: Yes, you. Tell me about the people on the senate.  
Doc: Me  
Marty: Yes, you tell me who's on the senate in the future.  
Doc: No, Who's the pre...  
Marty: Don't start on that again! Stick with the senate. Name someone.  
Doc: Me:  
Marty: You mean you're a senator, Doc?  
Doc: No, me.  
Marty: Yeah, right. Tell me another one.  
Doc: You.  
Marty: Me?  
Doc: Yeah, and you.  
Marty: Me and you? On the senate?  
Doc: Correct.  
Marty: Both of us?  
Doc: No, neither of us.  
Marty: Of course not! I didn't believe you the first time! Now, tell me the name of the future governor of California.  
Doc: Why.  
Marty: I just thought I'd ask you.  
Doc: I just thought I'd tell you.  
Marty: Then what's the governor's name?  
Doc: No!  
Marty: Please tell me!  
Doc: Why!  
Marty: Because!  
Doc: No, he's in charge of the Pentagon.  
Marty: Who is?  
Doc: No, Who's pres...  
Marty: I'll smash your flux capacitor if you change back to the president!  
Doc: You mentioned him.  
Marty: I mentioned who?  
Doc: Yes, you did.  
Marty: Did what?  
Doc: Did What what?  
Marty: What the heck?  
Doc: How did you know his nickname?  
Marty: Who's nickname?  
Doc: No, the vice president's nickname.  
Marty: What's the vice president's nickname?  
Doc: What's his family name.  
Marty: I don't know.  
Both: Treasurer!  
Marty: Are there terrorists in the future, Doc?  
Doc: I'm afraid so.  
Marty: Let's say I was a terrorist attempting to destabilise America in 2015. Suppose I blew up the White House. Then who'd be dead?  
Doc: If he was home.  
Marty: If who was home?  
Doc: Of course!  
Marty: Who's dead if he was in the White House when I blew it up?  
Doc: Naturally!  
Marty: Naturally?  
Doc: Naturally.  
Marty: So I've blown up the White House and Naturally is dead. Then I...  
Doc: You've got it wrong. Who's dead.  
Marty: Naturally.  
Doc: Naturally.  
Marty: So Naturally is dead and I...  
Doc: No, that isn't it at all.  
Marty: I ask you: Who's dead?  
Doc: Naturally.  
Marty: Yeah. I killed Naturally.  
Doc: You killed Who!  
Marty: Naturally.  
Doc: Naturally.  
Marty: Same as you. Now President Naturally is dead...  
Doc: Who's the president.  
Marty: Naturally.  
Doc: Actually, hypothetically, he's dead naturally.  
Marty: He died from the explosion, not naturally.  
Doc: I know Who died from the explosion!  
Marty: Then tell me who died from the explosion!  
Doc: Okay, Who died from the explosion!  
Marty: The president died from the explosion!  
Doc: Yes, and Possibly, his wife.  
Marty: Who's wife?  
Doc: Correct.  
Marty: She's who's wife?  
Doc: Yes, Possibly.  
Marty: She's possibly who's wife?  
Doc: That's her.  
Marty: Tell me the First Lady's name.  
Doc: Possibly.  
Marty: Do you know her name?  
Doc: Possibly.  
Marty: Can you tell me now?  
Doc: Possibly.  
Marty: Does the president have a wife?  
Doc: Possibly.  
Marty: Isn't the president required to be married?  
Doc: Yes, and he is.  
Marty: To who?  
Doc: He is the president! He can't marry himself!  
Marty: Of course not, Doc. A minister does that.  
Doc: Precisely.  
Marty: Suppose you saw their marriage certificate. What would the president's name look like?  
Doc: Who.  
Marty: The president.  
Doc: Who  
Marty: He has to sign his name right?  
Doc: He does  
Marty: Who does?  
Doc: Yes.  
Marty: Then how would his name look to you?  
Doc: Who.  
Marty: To you.  
Doc: Who.  
Marty: To you.  
Doc: Who.  
Marty: The man who married the First Lady of 2015!  
Doc: Who!  
Marty: Can you at least tell me her name?  
Doc: Possibly.  
Marty: Don't then.  
Doc: I already did.  
Marty: Do I know the First Lady's name?  
Doc: Possibly.  
Marty: I tell you: I don't know.  
Both: Treasurer!  
Marty: So... suppose I've bombed the White House. I can't tell who's dead, but possibly the First Lady. Then I attack the Pentagon, but don't destroy the whole building, just because. Why? I don't know - he's treasurer and I don't give a darn!  
Doc: Come again?  
Marty: I said I don't give a darn!  
Doc: Oh, no, he's the Prime Minister of Australia!  
Marty: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Doc, are you telling me, that you saw that the Australian Prime Minister in 2015 is named I Don't Give a Darn?  
Doc: The way I see it, if you're gonna become prime minister of Australia, why not do it with some style?  
(Marty faints)

a few whiffs of ammonia later

Marty opened his eyes woozily. "Mom? Is that… oh, hi Doc. I had the strangest dream…"

"What about?" Doctor Brown asked, concerned about his young friend.

"There was me… and you… and we were singing this strange song…"

"Intriguing. Do you remember how it went?"

"Yeah, I think it was something like this…"

Marty:  
Who's this llama?  
What's that llama?  
I don't know the little llama.  
Can you name me every llama?  
Llama, llama, duck.

Doc:  
Who's this llama.  
What's that llama.  
I Don't Know - the little llama.  
These are strange names for a llama.  
Llama, llama, duck.

Marty:  
I just thought I'd ask you.  
I have no idea.  
I'm sure that you should know this, so  
could you make it clear?  
What are you asking me for?  
Stop playing these games!  
Could you please inform me, of  
all the llama's names?

Doc:  
Who's this llama.  
What's that llama.  
I Don't Know - the little llama.  
Why - a llama.  
Because llama.  
Llama, llama, duck.

Marty: Who?  
Doc: This llama.  
Marty: What?  
Doc: That llama.  
Marty: I don't know.  
Both: The little llama!  
Marty: I don't give a darn!  
Doc: Alpaca!  
Marty: Llama llama?  
Doc Duck.

Marty: Tell me of the fat one.  
Doc: Tomorrow's what I say  
Marty: I would like to know now, so  
please tell me today.  
Doc: Today is the thinner one.  
Marty: My brain has come unstuck.  
Don't say "Who's the llama", or  
I will hurt your duck.

Doc listened intently until the end. "Do you know what this means?" he asked when Marty was done.

"No, what _does_ that mean, Doc?"

"It means my dream inducer needs a little more work!"

"_WHAT!_"

The End.

Disclaimer: I don't own Who's on First or The Llama Song either. :P

Note: I wrote these on a whim a few days ago. The thought occurred to me and I couldn't help it. This was originally two separate works but it was more fun to stick them together.


End file.
